In Living Color (",) Monday, February 22, 2010 at 5:10am

I haven't written anything in a while. Everyday pressure of meeting goals at work and reconnecting with friends kissed blogging goodbye for a bit. (",)

So, it's my birthday. I'm a year older and I guess, being caught between the struggle of trying to be mature and resolving to stay as young at heart as I can made me sit down and do one of those reflection stuff I do soo love. What better way to do it than using the conventional oc-oc way - use colored paper markers to make them easier to remember?

WHITE - purity, new beginnings and peace - spells white. And yes, I am at peace, enjoying my new beginning, being able to do what I want and looking forward everyday to where my story should lead.

GREEN - goes both ways for me - could be envy or calmness, nature, trees, mountaintops, the earth. Yes, I do envy those who have found what I haven't found yet, that elusive happiness I can't seem to reach. The career I really want, the car that I wanna drive, the house, the whole nine-yards. (not that these would make me ultimately happy.)

But nah, green for me is fortitude. To put my life in order first and being sure that everything will fall into place eventually. Patience is my new best friend. What I had to learn, the art I had to master since I had to overcome my lack of focus. Especially, since I realized - my memory and focus is that of a 5-year old kid =P

BLUE - aah, the color of the ocean, serenity, cloudless sky, snorkling, frolicking at the beach, summer. As opposed to it's other significance - downcast, sad or lonely. (well,mostly in songs.hehe) Right now, blue represents my discovery that yes, I CAN RUN AWAY FROM PROBLEMS. That I don't have to mull over them and give myself migraine for every time I try to fix what could have been avoided.

It's the equanimity inside of me brought about by the acceptance that I don't have to have a 5-year plan, that since I have thrown the rule book out the window a long time ago, I can just make me new rules, that I am NOT PERFECT, that I am getting old numerically every year, that I don't need to be what others expect me to be, that everyday makes me either special or unspecial to others and that there are THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE.

PURPLE - ooh, one of my favorites! The color of junior proms, weddings & ironically, the color of bruise. (toinks!) Right now, purple represents being reminded of the 1st guy to break my heart, the 1st kiss and the relationships that didn't work out. The missing 50% and the hope that there is still someone for me. My belief in girlish dreams. "If you dream, go for the stars, if you fall - you fall on the moon."

PINK - the ultimate girly color. They say, a girl can never have too much pink. I disagree. To me, pink was a phase. A point in my life where I had to prove that I can appreciate girly things too. hihi. Memories of slumber parties with friends, the color of the perfect lip gloss or blush. Now, pink is a pick-me-up during a "feeling fat day" or a bad hair day.

Pink to me has become the recollection that I may have outgrown childish things but I will always be that sixteen-year old girl who's still trying to find my place in the world.

RED - fiery red. They say it's the color of love, anger, or if you wanna cause a scene like riding a red hot ducati wearing a red bikini kinda scene. (",) I used to think of red that way too. At some point, red was the color of falling in love, of courtship and of chocolate boxes with a bunch of roses. The color of dusk.

Now, it's different, red has become the color of confidence. The courage to stand up for my beliefs. The tenacity to fight for what I want. Admitting my mistakes and having the humility to rectify what I've caused. It's the color of the end to having to prove myself at every turn.

YELLOW - sunshine. Nothing else. Always have and always will represent that to me. I have grown enough to let go of all the b.s in my life. I am more on keeping friends than collecting enemies. Of letting go of negativities. Of accepting people for who they are. On holding back on making judgments by first impressions. Of respecting individuality and of course, learning the art of politics. (",)

Now this might sound weird but last but not the least, BLACK - the color of the night is now the color of LOVE for me. Not that I have turned into the wicked witch of Makati city. But black brings in mind - endless summer nights, dinner dates, bonfires, meaningful conversations, midnight embraces, goodnight kisses after a date, a goodnight's sleep, dreams of anything I want. Black now represents that surfaces doesn't prove anything until you dig deeper. That it's not my fault if they weren't the man for me, that yes, I want someone who will ask me if I'm happy, not my fault if that job wasn't what I was meant to do but that I have the power to write my life's story.

Today, is the 27th year of my life and I have reflected again for the nth time. I have seen through the color wheel that the life I thought was devoid of adventure, lacking in all the right ingredients to make it worth telling is exactly where it should be. I have realized that I have a long way to go. Im still young. But I definitely am not rushing - I don't wanna miss the fun of the roller-coaster ride that is called my life. And for every adventure and misadventure - MY LIFE IS A MOVING PICTURE - HAPPENING - IN LIVING COLOR. (",)

Rolled Into One Mom

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